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February 28, 2006
"We cannot possibly adjust enough to please the fanatics"
[I]f Muslims do not want their alleged prophet identified with barbaric acts or adolescent fantasies, they should say publicly that random murder for virgins is not in their religion. And here one runs up against a curious reluctance. … In fact, Sunni Muslim leaders can't even seem to condemn the blowing-up of Shiite mosques and funeral processions, which even I would describe as sacrilege. Of course there are many millions of Muslims who do worry about this, and another reason for condemning the idiots at Foggy Bottom is their assumption, dangerous in many ways, that the first lynch mob on the scene is actually the genuine voice of the people. There's an insult to Islam, if you like.The question of "offensiveness" is easy to decide. First: Suppose that we all agreed to comport ourselves in order to avoid offending the believers? How could we ever be sure that we had taken enough precautions? On Saturday, I appeared on CNN, which was so terrified of reprisal that it "pixilated" the very cartoons that its viewers needed to see. And this ignoble fear in Atlanta, Ga., arose because of an illustration in a small Scandinavian newspaper of which nobody had ever heard before! Is it not clear, then, that those who are determined to be "offended" will discover a provocation somewhere? We cannot possibly adjust enough to please the fanatics, and it is degrading to make the attempt.
"Cartoon Debate: The case for mocking religion," by Christopher Hitchens, Slate, February 4, 2006
Posted at 05:27 AM · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0) · Categories: Gynephobes , Nihilism , Politics
February 26, 2006
"Islamic truths" - 3
The second truth — one that the West needs to come to grips with — is that there is no such human persona as a "moderate Muslim." You either believe in the oneness of God or you don't. You either believe in the teachings of his prophet or you don't. You either learn those teachings and apply them to the circumstances of life in the country you have chosen to live in, or you shouldn't live there.Haters of Islam use the simplicity and elegance of its black-and-white rigor for devious political advantage by classifying the Koran's religious edicts as the cult-like behavior of fanatics. The West would win a lot of hearts and minds if it only showed Islam as it really is — telling the story, for example, that the prophet Muhammad was one of the great commodity traders of all time because he based his dealings on uniquely Muslim values, or that the reason he had multiple wives was not for the sake of sex but to give proper homes to the children of women made widows during a time of war. The cartoon imbroglio offered Western media an opportunity to portray the prophet in his many dignified dimensions, not just the distorted ones; sadly, there were few takers.
"Islamic truths," by Mansoor Ijaz, Los Angeles Times, February 18, 2006
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February 25, 2006
Fundamentalists incapable of self-reflection, self-criticism, and self-irony
The fact that fundamentalists of all persuasions are completely incapable of self-reflection, self-criticism, and self-irony would not warrant a mention, were it not for their practice of imposing their issues on me and my world. They assume that we will kowtow to them as soon as we recognise who they are: "Look out! Religious feelings! We're leaving the private sphere."In the self-referential world of God or Allah or Jahwe warriors, feelings are increasingly used as weapons and honoured as the highest authority. Readily summoned, merciless.
"'What next, bearded one?' Our traditional values have been trampled on and we are offended. A wake-up call," by Sonia Mikich, signandsight, February 7, 2006
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February 23, 2006
"Islamic truths" - 2
The first truth is that most Muslim ideologues are hypocrites. What has Osama bin Laden done for the victims of the 2004 tsunami or the shattered families who lost everything in the Pakistani earthquake last year? He did not build one school, offer one loaf of bread or pay for one vaccination. And yet he, not the devout Muslim doctors from California and Iowa who repair broken limbs and lives in the snowy peaks of Kashmir, speaks the loudest for what Muslims allegedly stand for. He has succeeded in presenting himself as the defender of Islam's poor, and the Western media has taken his jihadist message all the way to the bank.The hypocrisy only starts there. Muslims and Arabs have done pitifully little to help improve the capacity of the Palestinian people to be good neighbors to their Israeli brethren. Take the money spent by any Middle Eastern royal family at a London hotel or Geneva resort during one month and you could build enough schools and medical clinics to take care of 1,000 Palestinian children for a year. Yet rather than educate and feed Palestinian and Muslim children so they may learn to settle differences through dialogue and debate, instead of by throwing rocks and wearing bombs, the Muslim "haves" put on a few telethons to raise paltry sums for the "have nots" to alleviate the guilt over their palatial gilded cages.
"Islamic truths," by Mansoor Ijaz, Los Angeles Times, February 18, 2006
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February 20, 2006
"Islamic truths" - 1
Another week, another Muslim country burns in rage over months-old Danish cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in an unflattering light. On Friday it was Libya, and earlier in the week it was my father's homeland, Pakistan, where violent protests were scattered across the nation. Some Muslims have decided that burning cities in defense of a prophet's teachings, which none of them seem willing to practice, is preferable to participating in rational debate about the myths and realities of a religion whose worst enemies are increasingly its own adherents.This week's events should compel those of us who claim Islam as our system of philosophical guidance to ask hard questions of ourselves in order to revive the religion's essential foundation: justice, peaceful and tolerant coexistence, compassion, the search for knowledge and unwavering faith in the unity of God.
"Islamic truths," by Mansoor Ijaz, Los Angeles Times, February 18, 2006
Posted at 06:27 AM · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0) · Categories: Good Advice , Nihilism , Terrorism
February 18, 2006
Superficial religious values
How fragile, how superficial must Muslims' religious values be. How can cartoons in an unknown newspaper in a little European country cause such an upset and allow a handful of organised agitators to be able to drive many thousands onto the streets.Joking how the prophet Mohammed is running out of virgins because so many suicide bombers are standing at the gates of paradise is dark and mean. And, given the reality of global attacks, lamentably effective (just as a side note). But I did not find it especially funny that the misogynous Taliban availed themselves regularly of prostitutes. Or publicly "executed" video recorders and televisions in order to watch pornos in privacy.
"'What next, bearded one?' Our traditional values have been trampled on and we are offended. A wake-up call," by Sonia Mikich, signandsight, February 7, 2006
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February 17, 2006
I feel offended - II
I feel offended.Fanatics are blowing up the Buddhas of Bamiyan, marvellous cultural monuments.
But art is an expression of universal beauty and innocence to me. It is a value that makes the world better and more peaceful.; this is the tradition in which I was raised.
I demand that Hamas, the spokesman of the French Muslims and the Director of the Al-Azhar-University apologise to me. Otherwise I will never spend a holiday at the Taj Mahal, I will call for a boycott of Palestinian fruit and I will set the embassies of Tunisia, Qatar and Bangladesh on fire.
I expect understanding for this at the very least – my feelings are absolute and must be expressed globally.
"'What next, bearded one?' Our traditional values have been trampled on and we are offended. A wake-up call," by Sonia Mikich, signandsight, February 7, 2006
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February 15, 2006
"Offensive"
Islam makes very large claims for itself. In its art, there is a prejudice against representing the human form at all. The prohibition on picturing the prophet—who was only another male mammal—is apparently absolute. So is the prohibition on pork or alcohol or, in some Muslim societies, music or dancing. Very well then, let a good Muslim abstain rigorously from all these. But if he claims the right to make me abstain as well, he offers the clearest possible warning and proof of an aggressive intent. This current uneasy coexistence is only an interlude, he seems to say. For the moment, all I can do is claim to possess absolute truth and demand absolute immunity from criticism. But in the future, you will do what I say and you will do it on pain of death.I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice, which as it happens I chance to find "offensive." ( By the way, hasn't the word "offensive" become really offensive lately?) The innate human revulsion against desecration is much older than any monotheism: Its most powerful expression is in the Antigone of Sophocles. It belongs to civilization. I am not asking for the right to slaughter a pig in a synagogue or mosque or to relieve myself on a "holy" book. But I will not be told I can't eat pork, and I will not respect those who burn books on a regular basis. I, too, have strong convictions and beliefs and value the Enlightenment above any priesthood or any sacred fetish-object.
"Cartoon Debate: The case for mocking religion," by Christopher Hitchens, Slate, February 4, 2006
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February 13, 2006
Boycott Irish butter!
In the debate over the cartoons, the prohibition of pictures is being presented as a compulsory principle of belief. To be respected everywhere, even in the state of Denmark.It gives pause to think that those who claim to be offended are so proficient with the Internet and other modern communication technologies but know little about their own cultural history. In Islam's heydey, pictures were made of the Prophet. Mohammed lightly veiled, for instance, on a horse riding to heaven – a wonderful Persian miniature in the Chester-Beatty-Museum in Dublin. (more)
What next, bearded one? Boycott Irish butter?
I do not have to concern myself with the sales figures of Danish yoghurt. I am not easy to blackmail and I am free to find Immanuel Kant's "sapere aude" more conducive to successful communal living than a Fatwa.
"'What next, bearded one?' Our traditional values have been trampled on and we are offended. A wake-up call," by Sonia Mikich, signandsight, February 7, 2006
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Free speech
As well as being a small masterpiece of inarticulacy and self-abnegation, the statement from the State Department about this week's international Muslim pogrom against the free press was also accidentally accurate.
"Anti-Muslim images are as unacceptable as anti-Semitic images, as anti-Christian images, or any other religious belief."
Thus the hapless Sean McCormack, reading painfully slowly from what was reported as a prepared government statement. How appalling for the country of the First Amendment to be represented by such an administration. What does he mean "unacceptable"? That it should be forbidden? And how abysmal that a "spokesman" cannot distinguish between criticism of a belief system and slander against a people. However, the illiterate McCormack is right in unintentionally comparing racist libels to religious faith. Many people have pointed out that the Arab and Muslim press is replete with anti-Jewish caricature, often of the most lurid and hateful kind. In one way the comparison is hopelessly inexact. These foul items mostly appear in countries where the state decides what is published or broadcast. However, when Muslims republish the Protocols of the Elders of Zion or perpetuate the story of Jewish blood-sacrifice at Passover, they are recycling the fantasies of the Russian Orthodox Christian secret police (in the first instance) and of centuries of Roman Catholic and Lutheran propaganda (in the second). And, when an Israeli politician refers to Palestinians as snakes or pigs or monkeys, it is near to a certainty that he will be a rabbi (most usually Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, the leader of the disgraceful Shas party) and will cite Talmudic authority for his racism. For most of human history, religion and bigotry have been two sides of the same coin, and it still shows.
Therefore there is a strong case for saying that the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten, and those who have reprinted its efforts out of solidarity, are affirming the right to criticize not merely Islam but religion in general. And the Bush administration has no business at all expressing an opinion on that. If it is to say anything, it is constitutionally obliged to uphold the right and no more. You can be sure that the relevant European newspapers have also printed their share of cartoons making fun of nuns and popes and messianic Israeli settlers, and taunting child-raping priests. There was a time when this would not have been possible. But those taboos have been broken.
"Cartoon Debate: The case for mocking religion," by Christopher Hitchens, Slate, February 4, 2006
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February 12, 2006
"What next, bearded one?" - I
I feel offended.Zealots are nailing veils onto the faces of my sisters in Afghanistan and Pakistan and are busy hanging women, homosexuals, adulterers and non-believers.
But human rights, women's rights and the right to liberty are the most exalted in the history of humanity; this is the tradition in which I was raised. Values that make the world better and more peaceful.
I demand that the governments of Saudi Arabia, Palestine, Indonesia and Egypt apologise to me. Otherwise I am unfortunately forced to threaten, beat up, kidnap or behead their citizens. Because I am somewhat sensitive about my cultural identity.
"'What next, bearded one?' Our traditional values have been trampled on and we are offended. A wake-up call," by Sonia Mikich, signandsight, February 7, 2006
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February 11, 2006
"The struggle for Islam's soul"
While most Muslims abhor violence, some terrorists are a product of a specific mindset with deep roots in Islamic history. If Muslims everywhere refuse to confront this, we will all be prey to more terror.
. . .
Within hours of the London atrocity, Muslim groups throughout Britain condemned the bombing, declaring in unequivocal terms that such acts had nothing to do with Islam."Religious precepts," declared the Muslim Council of Britain, "cannot be used to justify such crimes, which are completely contrary to our teaching and practice." The eminently sensible Imam Abdul Jalil Sajid, chairman of the Muslim Council for Religious and Racial Harmony U.K., announced: "No school of Islam allows the targeting of civilians or the killing of innocents. Indiscriminate, senseless and targeted killing has no justification in Islam."
The tenor of these statements is: These are the acts of pathologically mad people; Islam has nothing to do with it.
But Islam has everything to do with it. As Dr. Ghayasuddin Siddiqui, director of the Muslim Institute, points out: "The terrorists are using Islamic sources to justify their actions. How can one then say it has nothing to do with Islam?"
"The struggle for Islam's soul," by Ziauddin Sardar, Toronto Star, July 22, 2005
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February 10, 2006
The Social Security NOdometer measures how much saying no to Social Security reform is costing future generations of Americans.The NOdometer display shows the outstanding debt owed to the Social Security Trust Fund. Congress will have to raise taxes, reduce Social Security benefits, reduce other spending, or borrow more when it comes time to repay the Trust Fund--starting in 2017, according to the Social Security Administration.
Without reform, future taxpayers will be paying down the Trust Fund debt until 2041. But things don't just get better then. When the trust fund is finally paid off in full, Social Security will face annual deficits just under $400 billion (in 2004 dollars), relative to the benefits that it has promised. Under present law, Social Security would have to cut benefits across the board by about 25 percent. The only alternatives are raising taxes, cutting away entire government departments, or borrowing more money.
For Social Security, time is money. The longer lawmakers delay fixing Social Security, the more painful the fix will be. This year alone, the debt owed to Social Security will increase by over $60 billion and the system's 75-year deficit will increase by over $600 billion.
"The NOdometer," The Heritage Foundation
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Evil in the modern world
A turning point came at a dinner party on the day Ronald Reagan famously described the Soviet Union as the pre-eminent source of evil in the modern world. The general tenor of the evening was that Reagan's use of the word "evil" had moved the world closer to annihilation. There was a palpable sense that we might not make it to dessert.When I casually offered that the surviving relatives of the more than 20 million people murdered on orders of Joseph Stalin might not find "evil" too strong a word, the room took on a collective bemused smile of the sort you might expect if someone had casually mentioned taking up child molestation for sport.
My progressive companions had a point. It was rude to bring a word like "gulag" to the dinner table.
I look back on that experience as the beginning of my departure from a left already well on its way to losing its bearings. Two decades later, I watched with astonishment as leading left intellectuals launched a telethon-like body count of civilian deaths caused by American soldiers in Afghanistan. Their premise was straightforward, almost giddily so: When the number of civilian Afghani deaths surpassed the carnage of Sept. 11, the war would be unjust, irrespective of other considerations.
Stated simply: The force wielded by democracies in self-defense was declared morally equivalent to the nihilistic aggression perpetuated by Muslim fanatics.
"Leaving the left - I can no longer abide the simpering voices of self-styled progressives -- people who once championed solidarity," by Keith Thompson, San Francisco Chronicle, May 22, 2005
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February 09, 2006
Marxism appeals to mankind's inherent thuggishness
Of course, it is not just to mankind’s spiritual cravings that Marxism appeals. It also speaks to its inherent thuggishness. This cannot be emphasized too much. These days, Stalin and Stalinism are in bad odor. We forget the romance that Western intellectuals indulged for this mass murderer. We also tend to overlook the fact that thuggishness is an integral, not an accidental, feature of Marxism. Marx spoke of the "dictatorship of the proletariat." What did he mean by "dictatorship"? Lenin explained. "Dictatorship," he wrote in 1906, "means unlimited power based on force, and not on law." In case that was not sufficiently compelling, Lenin added the word "scientific": "The scientific term 'dictatorship' means nothing more nor less than authority untrammelled by any laws, absolutely unrestricted by any rules whatever, and based directly on violence." In 1917, Lenin got the chance to show the world what this theory would look like when put into action. "He created a system," Kolakowski observes, "in which, depending on the whim of a local party or police authority, any criticism might be regarded as counter-revolutionary and expose its author to imprisonment or death." Hence the importance of terror, an essential ingredient in the revolutionary’s utopian program at least since Robespierre spoke of "virtue and its emanation, terror." "The courts," Lenin wrote in 1922, "must not ban terror … but must formulate the motives underlying it, legalize it as a principle, plainly, without any make-believe."The crucial thing to bear in mind, however, is not the brutality of Communist rule—what we might call really existing Marxism—but its spuriousness and contempt for law. This is what distinguishes ordinary despotism from its totalitarian counterpart. "A law," Kolakowski notes, "may provide draconic penalties for small offenses without being specifically totalitarian; what is characteristic of totalitarian law is the use of such formulas as Lenin’s: people may be executed for expressing views that may 'objectively serve the interests of the bourgeoisie.' This means that the government can put to death anyone it chooses; there is no such thing as law; it is not that the criminal code is severe, but that it has no existence except in name."
In other words, the very arbitrariness of Communist rule is a coefficient of its ambition to total control of life. Lenin said that what socialism implies above all is "keeping account of everything." Everything was subject to regulation from above because nothing had significance apart from the diktats of the Party. In this sense, Marxism is a solution in which the idea of intrinsic value dissolves into absolute expediency. For the Communist there is no such thing as impartiality or disinterestedness because there is no such thing as an independent object of value. Nothing has inherent significance because everything acquires value from its function in the impersonal engine of utopia.
"Leszek Kolakowski & the anatomy of totalitarianism," by Roger Kimball, The New Criterion, June 2005
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February 05, 2006
Tremendous initiative and energy ...
I long ago lost count of the number of times I've switched on the TV and seen crazy guys jumping up and down in the street, torching the Stars and Stripes and yelling ''Death to the Great Satan!'' Or torching the Union Jack and yelling ''Death to the Original If Now Somewhat Arthritic And Semi-Retired Satan!'' But I never thought I'd switch on the TV and see the excitable young lads jumping up and down in Jakarta, Lahore, Aden, Hebron, etc., etc., torching the flag of Denmark.Denmark! Even if you were overcome with a sudden urge to burn the Danish flag, where do you get one in a hurry in Gaza? Well, OK, that's easy: the nearest European Union Humanitarian Aid and Intifada-Funding Branch Office. But where do you get one in an obscure town on the Punjabi plain on a Thursday afternoon? If I had a sudden yen to burn the Yemeni or Sudanese flag on my village green, I haven't a clue how I'd get hold of one in this part of New Hampshire. Say what you like about the Islamic world, but they show tremendous initiative and energy and inventiveness, at least when it comes to threatening death to the infidels every 48 hours for one perceived offense or another. If only it could be channeled into, say, a small software company, what an economy they'd have.
"'Sensitivity' can have brutal consequences," by Mark Steyn, Chicago Sun-Times, February 5, 2006 (emphasis added)
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February 04, 2006
Life is a dash ...
Jewschool profiles Doc Hollywood, i.e., Dr. Neil Shulman ... who gets it right when he says,
"life is a dash between two numbers on a tombstone, [and] everybody should enjoy that dash."
Posted at 02:21 PM · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0) · Categories: Good Advice
"The ORIGINAL Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products"
The attorneys in the Wile E. Coyote v. Acme Products Corp. case used exhibits produced by the Acme Products Co., and pictured in its catalog.
ACME is a worldwide leader of many manufactured goods. From its humble beginnings providing corks and flypaper to bug collectors ("Buddy's Bug Hunt/1935") to its heyday in the American Southwest supplying a certain coyote, from Ultimatum Dispatchers to Batman outfits, ACME has set the standard for excellence.For the first time ever, information and pictures of all ACME products, specialty divisions, and services featured in Warner Bros. cartoons (made by the original studio from 1935 to 1964) are gathered here, in one convenient catalog. For more information about any ACME product, simply click on the thumbnail picture.
The ORIGINAL Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products - ACCEPT NO IMITATIONS
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Pandering to your base ... and Buy Danish!
[L]ast September [2005] a Danish newspaper published some satirical cartoons about Mohammed, which simply isn’t done. Compared to the illos you find in the Arab press, which could be described as “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion for Dummies,” the cartoons were mild – but some people will brook no dissent. In Gaza, armed men stormed an EU office to protest the cartoons, and a group called “Holy War” demanded all Nordic-types leave in 48 hours. Odd how quickly tolerated enlightened Europeans can descend to US status, eh? It’s almost as if support for those anti-Israel UN resolutions counted for nothing.Former President Clinton, in full weathervane-mode in Qatar, denounced the cartoons as “appalling” and “totally outrageous.” “So now what are we going to do?” he asked. “Replace the anti-Semitic prejudice with anti-Islamic prejudice? . . . In Europe, most of the struggles we've had in the past 50 years have been to fight prejudices against Jews, to fight against anti-Semitism," he said. We? Bill Clinton now speaks for Europe? He continued: "Because people see headlines that they don't like (they will) apply that to a whole religion, a whole faith, a whole region and a whole people?" he asked.
No. Just the ones who vote for Hitler.
"Hitler," Screedblog, by James Lileks, February 3, 2006
"Buy Danish! to counter the Islamic boycott," The American Thinker
Piglet says, "Buy Danish" ... except the hams ...
Oh, and the offensive cartoons? here they are ...
Posted at 12:17 AM · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0) · Categories: Stupidity
February 03, 2006
Hitler wins ... nothing to see here, move along ...
If the election proves anything, it’s that Hitler can win and people still won’t see the parallels to the last big batch of professional Jew-haters – no matter how crazy they get. The election was barely over, and the celebratory bullets hadn’t all pattered to earth, when the demands began. Israeli National News quoted Hamas leader Mahmoud Zahar on the key issue of the day: the insulting affront presented by the Israeli flag. "Israel must remove the two blue stripes from its national flag", said Zahar. “The stripes on the flag are symbols of occupation. They signify Israel's borders stretching from the River Euphrates to the River Nile."Yes, indeed. And the fifty stars on the American flag symbolize this nation’s desire to occupy and annex the Milky Way. European diplomats will shrug off Zahar’s demands, just as the Iranian president’s pearls of wisdom are dismissed: he’s only playing to his base. Perhaps, but what does that say about the base? Nothing! They elected Hamas because they were fed up with the corruption of Fatah, just as Americans, tired of Nixon’s skullduggery, voted in the Birch-Klan-Commie Axis in ’74. Or something like that.
In any case, Hamas will have to govern now, the apologists say. Collect the trash. Or, more like, blame Zionist jets for strafing the garbage trucks. They might well “improve” the schools, but since they’ve already announced they’ll will impose Sharia, this might not sit well with secular Palestinians. (Helpful note to angry emailers: this is where you point out that some Christians want to teach Intelligent Design in Kansas, which of course is exactly the same thing as segregating students by sex and teaching the girls why driving is a sin.)
"Hitler," Screedblog, by James Lileks, February 3, 2006
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"Offensive" cartoons
"Militants Surround EU Offices in Gaza Over 'Offensive' Cartoons," AP, February 2, 2006
During the Cold War, it was suggested that to defeat Russia all the US had to do was drop JC Penney and Sears catalogs all over the country ... maybe to defeat Islamic fascism, we just need to drop "offensive" cartoons all over the Middle East ... in Chinese ... or maybe French and German ... or send over some of Robert Mapplethorpe's acolytes ...
Posted at 12:07 AM · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0) · Categories: Bigotry , Gynephobes , Nihilism , Terrorism
February 01, 2006
want to work really hard?
No one works harder for his money than the man who marries it.
Frank Duggan, Irish-American Republicans
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US Pulls out of Iraq
A friend sent this humor piece:
Wouldn't it be great to turn on the tv and hear any U.S. President, Democrat or Republican, give the following speech?
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraqi regime has been completed.Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world.
I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America. Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
Posted at 06:17 AM · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0) · Categories: Humor